Message-ID: <16456057.1075857882130.JavaMail.evans@thyme>
Date: Fri, 17 Nov 2000 04:35:00 -0800 (PST)
From: webb.david@epenergy.com
To: dmw@mailandnews.com
Subject: FW: DOCTOR STORIES
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-From: "Webb, David" <Webb.David@EPEnergy.com>
X-To: "'DMW'" <DMW@MailAndNews.com>
X-cc: 
X-bcc: 
X-Folder: \Larry_Campbell_Dec2000\Notes Folders\Notes inbox
X-Origin: Campbell-L
X-FileName: lcampbel.nsf

> cc:
> Subject:  DOCTOR STORIES
>
>
> A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to
> have her baby in the cab!"  I grabbed my stuff, rushed
>
> out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
> take off her underwear.  Suddenly I noticed that there
>
> are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> ****************************************
>  At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
> on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior chest wall.  "Big breaths," I instructed.
>  "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>
> ****************************************
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
>
> a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later,
> I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
> he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> ****************************************
>  I was performing a complete physical, including the
> visual acuity test.  I placed the patient twenty feet
> from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
> your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
> your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both,"
> I requested.  There was silence. He couldn't even read
>
> the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
> that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
> standing there with both his eyes covered.  I was
> laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> ****************************************
>  I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the
> patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me.
>
> This is a one-seater!"
>
> ****************************************
>  During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he
> was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which
>
> one?", asked the doctor.
>  "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
> every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
> put it!"
>  The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered
> what he hoped he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over
>
> fifty patches on his body!  Now the instructions
> include removal of the old patch before applying a
> new one.
>
> ****************************************
>  While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
>  After a look of complete confusion she answered, Why,
>
> not for about twenty years - when my husband was
> alive."
>
> ****************************************
>   And of course, the best is saved for last....I was
> caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's
> your breakfast this morning?"
>  "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
> can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
> replied.
>  I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced
> a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
>


******************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it from El Paso
Energy Corporation are confidential and intended solely
for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are
addressed. If you have received this email in error
please notify the sender.
******************************************************************