Message-ID: <12234668.1075860489552.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2000 04:00:00 -0800 (PST) From: michelle.cash@enron.com To: david.oxley@enron.com Subject: Notice from England Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Michelle Cash X-To: David Oxley X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Michelle_Cash_Dec2000\Notes Folders\All documents X-Origin: Cash-M X-FileName: mcash.nsf I thought you might get a kick out of this. Michelle ---------------------- Forwarded by Michelle Cash/HOU/ECT on 11/16/2000 12:00 PM --------------------------- Cheryl.Brinkman@mckhboc.com on 11/15/2000 06:02:01 PM To: earentz@online.no, jodie.baldwin@excite.com, gerald@iii.co.uk, michelle.cash@enron.com, coffin@jacobssf.com, cbrinkman@msn.com cc: Subject: Notice from England yes, forwarding a joke - I'm sorry, but it's pretty good. Cheryl > To the citizens of the United States of America... > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties > over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which > she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP > for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a > world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without > the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be > disbanded. > > A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of > you noticed. > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > rules are introduced with immediate effect: > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. > Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you > should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up > "vocabulary". Using the same > twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and > "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. > Look up "interspersed" . > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English" . We will let Microsoft know > on your behalf. > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. > It really isn't that hard. > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the > good guys. > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, > but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get > confused and give up half way through. > > 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of > football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good > game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your > borders may have noticed that no one else plays American" football. You > will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper > football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It > is a difficult game. > > Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which > is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a > rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like > nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side > by 2005. > > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if > they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The > Russians have never been the bad guys. Merde is French for "shit". > > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your > own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we > mean. > > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > > Thank you for your cooperation. >