Message-ID: <4985638.1075859033825.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2001 07:44:26 -0700 (PDT) From: jon.trevelise@enron.com To: tracy.geaccone@enron.com, nancy.carpenter@enron.com, exec.jones@enron.com Subject: Darwin Awards Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Trevelise, Jon X-To: Geaccone, Tracy , Carpenter, Nancy , Jones, Robert W.- HR Exec X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \TGEACCO (Non-Privileged)\Geaccone, Tracy\Deleted Items X-Origin: Geaccone-T X-FileName: TGEACCO (Non-Privileged).pst Are these Enron employees? ----- Forwarded by Jon Trevelise/Houston/Eott on 10/24/2001 09:44 AM ----- Robin Border 10/24/2001 08:28 AM To: Lance Nash/Houston/Eott@Eott, Joe Richards/Houston/Eott@Eott, Jon Trevelise/Houston/Eott@Eott, Molly Sample/Houston/Eott@Eott, Susan Ralph/Houston/Eott@Eott cc: Subject: Darwin Awards >It's that time again..... They are finally out again. > >You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to >the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing >themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner >was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on >top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. > >And the nominees are: > >9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk >cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed >gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, >and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting >explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his >sister. > >8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home >died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" >tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white >bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared >that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also >wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and >a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was >connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" >in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for >reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found >the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family >very awkward. > >7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low >altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided >to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their >own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage >with their pants around their ankles. > >6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no >details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his >father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man >face down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a >pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. >After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared >dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection >of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the >cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had >caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of putting his penis >between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical >sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). >According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out >one of the sanders, electrocuting him. > >5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway >near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her >passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this >would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the >fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi >key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove >along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the >Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own. > >4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to >use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. >Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a >bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, >anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped >and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said >investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found >nearby. >"The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the >distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police >say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma." > >3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he >and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a >ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was >hospitalized. > >2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the >smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building >extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. >After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas >company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they >had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of >the lights worked. >Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians >reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a >cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter like object, the gas >in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles >away. >Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually >untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the >blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. > > >And the winner ... > >The Arizona Highway Patrolman came upon a pile of smoldering metal >embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex >of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but >it was a car. >The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally >figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems that a guy >had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - >actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military >transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. >He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long >and straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his >car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts >as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 >Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles >from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched >and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, >would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy >to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full >power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be >pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved >for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to >become insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the >automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 >seconds)before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, >blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, >then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the >cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet >deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; >however, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from >the crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece >of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. > >Epilogue: It has been postulated that this moron nearly reached Mach >I, attaining a ground speed of approximately 420 mph. Voila'.