Message-ID: <19154473.1075860872941.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Tue, 29 Jan 2002 14:06:01 -0800 (PST) From: kevin.hyatt@enron.com To: lmfoust@aol.com Subject: FW: A Women's Primer on Men Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Hyatt, Kevin X-To: 'lmfoust@aol.com' X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Kevin_Hyatt_Mar2002\Hyatt, Kevin\Sent Items X-Origin: Hyatt-K X-FileName: khyatt (Non-Privileged).pst A Women's Primer on Men > > > Don't know if you've seen this or not. > > > > TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH > > You really want to figure us out? Here's a start... > > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, > you need it down. You don't hear us gripping about you leaving it down, do > you? No, of course not. That would be stupid, and there are far more > important things to be worried about. You don't try to sit in the driver's > seat without opening the dammed car door, do you? > > 2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to > act like soap opera guys. > > 3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Its a stupid > question, and we refuse to answer. > > 4. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than > short hair. Period. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is > that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. > > 5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can > find the perfect present yet again! > > 6. Here's a real easy one: If you ask a question you don't want an answer > to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. > > 7. Asking opinionated questions that you already have an answer to, and > then getting pissed off because we gave our honest answer in the opposite > direction is a really stupid thing to do. > > 8. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. > > 9. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to > discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. > > 10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. > Let it be. > > 11. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that > way. > > 12. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. > Really. > > 13. You have enough clothes. > > 14. You have too many shoes. > > 15. Crying is blackmail, and you know it. Knock it off. > > 16. Let's be clear on this one: Ask for what you want. I repeat, ask for > what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really > obvious hints don't work. Just say it! No, your having to ask for something > does NOT automatically make it not worth getting. If it did, you might as > well give back the car, the house, and that last raise you got. And NO, > trying to punish us by acting like you don't want the thing 30 seconds after > you were compelled to ask for it will not "teach us a lesson" or jumpstart > the ESP gland within our underdeveloped craniums. Here's the math, write it > down somewhere...ASK = GET...NO ASK = NO GET. > > 17. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on > the calendar. > > 18. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. > > 19. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any > good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? > > 20. Whether or not you believe it, "yes," and "no" are perfectly acceptable > answers to almost every question. > > 21. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we > do. Occasionally, we can go out on a limb and attempt to empathize. > However, be warned that approaching us with a problem without clearly > indicating which you want (solutions or empathy) will likely result in you > getting neither. Tricky system, but that's just the way it works. > > 22. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. > > 23. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a medical problem. See a doctor. > > 24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or > Jackie Chan where it doesn't really matter what they're saying.) > > 25. Check your oil! > 26. If we tell you that you look beautiful at 5:30 in the morning, or any > other time when you are dirty, mussed up, or otherwise not perfectly > coiffed, we really do mean it. Telling us that we don't really pisses us > off, and further decreases the likelihood of your hearing anything of the > sort when you are fishing for compliments. > > 27. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. > > 28. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. > > 29. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. > > 30. All comments become null and void after 7 days. > > 31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways > makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. > > 32. Let us ogle (stare). We're going to look anyway: it's genetic, and we > know you do it too. > > 33. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, > but not both. > > 34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during > commercials. > > 35. If it itches, it will be scratched. > > 36. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like > nothing's wrong. If we ask and you say that something is wrong, we would > greatly appreciate your helping us out by actually telling us what "it" is, > before our aforementioned inability to read minds once again quickly takes > the place of the actual issue at hand. > > 37. When we are with "the guys" or watching sports (or both), we are bound > to look, say, do, or act stupid. It doesn't bother us. It shouldn't bother > you. > > Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch > tonight. We really don't mind that, though; it's kind of like camping (and > we get the remote all to ourselves). > > Sincerely, > The Men >