Message-ID: <23024010.1075842212389.JavaMail.evans@thyme>
Date: Mon, 7 Jun 1999 08:16:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: dan.hyvl@enron.com
To: jenny.helton@enron.com, kaye.ellis@enron.com, pat.radford@enron.com
Subject: FW: You might be a........
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>>> >
>>> > Subject: You might be a........
>>> >
>>> > Some new, some old
>>> >
>>> > You might be a Redneck if...
>>> > You've ever cut your grass and found a car.
>>> >
>>> > You own a home that's mobile and 5 cars that
>>> aren't.
>>> >
>>> > You think the stock market has a fence around it.
>>> >
>>> > Your stereo speakers used to belong to the
>>> Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
>>> >
>>> > Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
>>> >
>>> > You own a homemade fur coat.
>>> >
>>> > Chiggers are included on your list of top 5
>>> hygiene concerns.
>>> >
>>> > You burn your yard rather than mow it.
>>> >
>>> > Your wife has ever said, "Come move this
>>> transmission so I can take a bath."
>>> >
>>> > You refer to the time you won a free case of motor
>>> oil as "the day my ship
>>> > came in."
>>> >
>>> > You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
>>> >
>>> > The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
>>> >
>>> > Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for
>>> a call from the Governor
>>> > to spare a loved one.
>>> >
>>> > Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the
>>> bingo hall because of her
>>> > language.
>>> >
>>> > Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you
>>> answer, "She's at home with
>>> > the kids."
>>> >
>>> > Birds are attracted to your beard.
>>> >
>>> > Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange
>>> vest.
>>> >
>>> > You were shooting pool when any of your kids were
>>> born.
>>> >
>>> > You have the local taxidermist's number on speed
>>> dial.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever hit a deer with your
>>> car...deliberately.
>>> >
>>> > Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
>>> >
>>> > You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
>>> >
>>> > You clean your fingernails with a stick.
>>> >
>>> > Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
>>> >
>>> > You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
>>> >
>>> > You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your
>>> front door to make it look
>>> > nice.
>>> >
>>> > Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
>>> >
>>> > Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
>>> >
>>> > Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
>>> >
>>> > You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
>>> >
>>> > There are more than five McDonald's bags currently
>>> in the floorboard of your
>>> > car.
>>> >
>>> > The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
>>> >
>>> > There has ever been crime-scene tape on your
>>> bathroom door.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for
>>> heckling the monkeys.
>>> >
>>> > The taillight covers of your car are made of red
>>> tape.
>>> >
>>> > You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
>>> >
>>> > You think "taking out the trash" means taking your
>>> in-laws to a movie.
>>> >
>>> > You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever been involved in a custody fight over
>>> a hunting dog.
>>> >
>>> > Your considered an expert on worm beds.
>>> >
>>> > Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
>>> >
>>> > The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when
>>> visiting your house.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever bought a used cap.
>>> >
>>> > Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
>>> >
>>> > You pick your teeth from a catalog.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever financed a tattoo.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever stolen toilet paper.
>>> >
>>> > You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
>>> >
>>> > People hear your car a long time before they see
>>> it.
>>> >
>>> > The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare
>>> foot.
>>> >
>>> > You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
>>> >
>>> > You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
>>> >
>>> > You think a turtleneck is the key ingredient for
>>> soup.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever stood in line to have your picture
>>> taken with a freak of nature.
>>> >
>>> > You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
>>> >
>>> > You go to a stock car race and don't need a
>>> program.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf
>>> course.
>>> >
>>> > Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
>>> >
>>> > MOTEL 6 turns off the lights when they see you
>>> coming.
>>> >
>>> > You own more than three shirts with the sleeves
>>> cut off.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name
>>> on an overpass.
>>> >
>>> > Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her
>>> mouth before telling the
>>> > state trooper to kiss her ass.
>>> >
>>> > Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
>>> >
>>> > You own a denim leisure suit.
>>> >
>>> > You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
>>> >
>>> > Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living
>>> room floor and nobody notices.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever been kicked out of the KKK for being a
>>> bigot.
>>> >
>>> > Your family tree does not fork.
>>> >
>>> > You see no need to stop at rest stops because you
>>> have an empty milk jug in
>>> > the car.
>>> >
>>> > You have a rag for a gas cap.
>>> >
>>> > You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
>>> >
>>> > You show your boyfriend you really love him by
>>> carving his name on your arm.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around
>>> because of bridge clearance
>>> > restrictions.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever had to scratch your sister's name out
>>> of a message that
>>> > begins,"For a good time call...."
>>> >
>>> > You ever hit on somebody in a V.D. clinic.
>>> >
>>> > You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while
>>> you're at work.
>>> >
>>> > After the Prom you drove the truck while your date
>>> hit road signs with beer
>>> > bottles.
>>> >
>>> > Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick
>>> during Christmas dinner.
>>> >
>>> > All of your four letter words are two syllables.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever been too drunk to fish.
>>> >
>>> > You cut your toenails in front of company.
>>> >
>>> > You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance
>>> to meet women.
>>> >
>>> > Your wife has a beer belly and you find it
>>> attractive.
>>> >
>>> > Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic
>>> thoughts.
>>> >
>>> > Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck
>>> does.
>>> >
>>> > You wonder how service stations keep their
>>> restrooms so clean.
>>> >
>>> > You can spit without opening your mouth.
>>> >
>>> > You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
>>> >
>>> > You call your boss "dude".
>>> >
>>> > You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
>>> >
>>> > You have grease under your toenails.
>>> >
>>> > You consider your license plate personalized
>>> because your father made
>>> > it.
>>> >
>>> > Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
>>> >
>>> > You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever been fired from a construction job
>>> because of your appearance.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
>>> >
>>> > You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
>>> >
>>> > You actually know which kind of leaves make the
>>> best substitute for toilet
>>> > paper.
>>> >
>>> > You've been on T.V. more than five times
>>> describing what the tornado sounded
>>> > like.
>>> >
>>> > Your dad walks you to school because he's in the
>>> same grade.
>>> >
>>> > People come to your door every day mistakenly
>>> thinking that you're having a
>>> > yard sale.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever made change in the offering plate.
>>> >
>>> > Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night
>>> involves shoes and a
>>> > flashlight.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever made love in a satellite dish.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever lugged a gallon of paint to the top of
>>> a water tower to defend
>>> > your sister's honor.
>>> >
>>> > The primary color of your car is "bondo".
>>> >
>>> > You honestly think that women are turned on by
>>> animal noises and seductive
>>> > tongue gestures.
>>> >
>>> > The neighbors started a petition over your
>>> Christmas lights.
>>> >
>>> > You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since
>>> "Smokey and the Bandit"was
>>> > snubbed for best picture.
>>> >
>>> > If your biggest decision when going on vacation is
>>> to use paper or plastic.
>>> >
>>> > You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the
>>> greatest invention of all time.
>>> >
>>> > You had to remove a toothpick for wedding
>>> pictures.
>>> >
>>> > You've ever used a Weed-eater indoors.
>>> >
>>> > Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
>>> >
>>> > Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Day care.
>>> >
>>> > Your kids are going hungry tonight because you
>>> just had to have those
>>> > Yosemite Sam mud-flaps.
>>> >
>>> > You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer
>>> bottle.
>>> >
>>> > You need an estimate from your barber before you
>>> get a haircut.
>>> >
>>> > You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance
>>> in your front yard.
>>> >
>>> > You can change the oil in your truck without
>>> ducking your head.
>>> >
>>> > You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".
>>> >
>>> > You just bought an 8-track player to put in your
>>> car.
>>> >
>>> > When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds
>>> you to pull up your jeans.
>>> >
>>> > You take your dog for a walk and you both use the
>>> same tree.
>>> >
>>> > You stare at a can of orange juice just because it
>>> says, "CONCENTRATE".
>>> >
>>> > You sit on your roof Christmas Eve with a shotgun
>>> hoping to fill your deer
>>> > quota for the year.
>>> >
>>> > Your mother has ever gotten into a fight at a
>>> football game.
>>> >
>>> > You think that a Buglite and a six-pack make an
>>> evening of quality
>>> > entertainment.
>>> >
>>> > You think that your sister is not your sister
>>> anymore just because you
>>> > get a divorce.
>>> >
>>> > Your richest relative buys a new house and calls
>>> you up to help him take the
>>> > wheels off.
>>> >
>>> > Your cowboy hat is bigger than your shoes.
>>> >
>>> > Somebody yells "Hoe-down!" and your girlfriend
>>> hits the floor.
>>> >
>>> > You snort a dog chain from your mouth to your nose
>>> because you think it is
>>> > cool.
>>> >
>>>
>>>
>
>
>
>