Message-ID: <610878.1075856993793.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2000 03:48:00 -0700 (PDT) From: vince.kaminski@enron.com To: vkaminski@aol.com Subject: Fwd: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Vince J Kaminski X-To: vkaminski@aol.com X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Vincent_Kaminski_Jun2001_8\Notes Folders\'sent mail X-Origin: Kaminski-V X-FileName: vkamins.nsf ---------------------- Forwarded by Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT on 04/03/2000 10:49 AM --------------------------- Jlpnymex@aol.com on 04/03/2000 09:28:04 AM To: Doris.A.Abernathy@ucm.com, nalexander@texasmonthly.emmis.com, blackj@wellsfargo.com, Louisb2468@aol.com, burgher@cornerstonesolutions.com, rclark@nymex.com, ckcrews@swbell.net, KCDunnagan@aol.com, rdyerlaw@houston.rr.com, sgoldfield@tmh.tmc.edu, lesley.guthrie@cpa.state.tx.us, elizabethherring@pzlqs.com, khcnb@arkansas.net, robyn_howard@aimfunds.com, Michael.Jacobs@hq.doe.gov, vkamins@enron.com, paulcraiglaird2@netscape.net, adrian.a.nunez@usa.conoco.com, daricha@ppco.com, esjerve@canspec.com, alane_smith@transcanada.com, james.stanton@et.pge.com, dzerba@teldatasolutions.com cc: Subject: Fwd: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks Have a good week! Jana Return-Path: Received: from rly-zb01.mx.aol.com (rly-zb01.mail.aol.com [172.31.41.1]) by air-zb05.mail.aol.com (v70.20) with ESMTP; Fri, 31 Mar 2000 11:18:19 -0500 Received: from interlock.amoco.com (interlock.amoco.com [192.195.167.2]) by rly-zb01.mx.aol.com (v70.21) with ESMTP; Fri, 31 Mar 2000 11:17:55 -0500 Received: by interlock.amoco.com id KAA20262 (InterLock SMTP Gateway 3.0 for jlpnymex@aol.com); Fri, 31 Mar 2000 10:17:46 -0600 Received: by interlock.amoco.com (Protected-side Proxy Mail Agent-2); Fri, 31 Mar 2000 10:17:46 -0600 Received: by interlock.amoco.com (Protected-side Proxy Mail Agent-1); Fri, 31 Mar 2000 10:17:46 -0600 Message-Id: From: "Woody, Brett C" To: "'dand@headington.com'" , "'clwhite@duke-energy.com'" , "'joyg@aurora-gas.com'" , "'jlpnymex@aol.com'" Subject: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2000 10:16:40 -0600 X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2448.0) A little light humor. > > Subject: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks > > > > MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS > > > > 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. > > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting squirrels. > > 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. > > 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. > > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is > > still considered improper to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. > > > > DINING OUT > > 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour > > slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. > > 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your > > fingers covering the label. > > > > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME > > 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a > > taxidermist. > > 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his > > manners are. > > > > PERSONAL HYGIENE > > 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should > > be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. > > 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. > > However, if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money. > > 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they > > tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger > > foods. > > > > DATING (Outside the Family) > > 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. > > 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting > > to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two > years > > ago." > > 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will > > say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it > > is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. > > > > THEATER ETIQUETTE > > 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately > > after the movie has ended. > > 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven > > they can't hear you. > > > > WEDDINGS > > 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. > > 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. > > 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a > > cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create an unappealing > appearance. > > 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special > > occasion. > > > > DRIVING ETIQUETTE > > 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is > > loaded, and the deer is in sight. > > 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires > > always has the right of way. > > 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. > > 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite > > to ask her to bring back beer. > > 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. > > 6. Do not mend mufflers with bubble-gum if your truck back-fires > > > >