Message-ID: <15097314.1075855429274.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Mon, 8 Oct 2001 14:19:53 -0700 (PDT) From: richard.shapiro@enron.com To: j..kean@enron.com Subject: FW: Tavel advisory: France - I thought you and Jim might like this Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Shapiro, Richard X-To: Kean, Steven J. X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Steven_Kean_Jan2002\Kean, Steven J.\humor X-Origin: Harris-S X-FileName: sharris1 (Non-Privileged).pst -----Original Message----- From: Duvauchelle, Antoine Sent: Monday, October 08, 2001 7:22 AM To: Shapiro, Richard Subject: Tavel advisory: France - I thought you and Jim might like this > The following advice for American travellers going to France was compiled > from information provided by the US State Department, the CIA, the US > Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centres for > Disease Control > and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. > It > is intended as a guide for American travellers only. > > General Overview > > France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of > Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not > nearly > as important as it thinks. > It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of > no > particular importance and with not very good shopping. France is a very > old > country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and Eurodisney. Among its > contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and > the guillotine. > Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air > conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to > get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors > is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak > English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times. > > The People > > France has a population of 56 million people. 52 million of these drink > and > smoke (the other 4 million are small children). All French people drive > like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing > patiently in a queue. > The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, > aloof and undisciplined; those are their good points. Most French citizens > are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behaviour. > Many people are communists. > Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each > other when they meet. American travellers are advised to travel in groups > and wear baseball caps and colourful trousers for easier recognition. > > Safety > > In general, France is a safe destination, although travellers must be > aware > that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally, the French > surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch > whisky > and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market > prices, life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before. A > tunnel > connecting France to Britain beneath the English channel has been opened > in > recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London > during future German invasions. > > History > > France historical figures are King Louis, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, > Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years > and is now an airport. The French were never very imaginative and all > their > kings were called Louis. The French enjoyed their Revolution which set up > their republic. It was so successful that they did it again, and again and > again. > > Government > > The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held > more or less continuously and always result in a draw. > > The French love administration so for government purposes the country is > divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, > communes, villages, cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own > government and elections. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper > and Lower, though confusingly they are both on the ground floor, and whose > members are either Gaullists or Communists, neither of whom should be > trusted by the traveller. > > Parliament's principal occupation is testing atomic bombs in the south > Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain, > and then complaining when the Arabs do the same in Paris. According to the > most current American state department intelligence, the President is now > someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time. > > Culture > > The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see > why. All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that > you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. > > Cuisine > > Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a > slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand, are > excellent, > although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In > general, travellers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers. > > Economy > > France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in > Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they > are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and > blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal > exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, > perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land > mines,tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese. > Rick, I have been forwarded this message, quite to my surprise...considering my reputation. I should probably not have sent this to you but I will concede to the humour. I hope you will have fun, -Antoine > Public Holidays > > France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 > national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 > Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in triumph as > if he won the war single-handed Days, 18 Napolean sent into Exile Days, 17 > Napolean Called Back from Exile Days, and 2 "France is Great and the Rest > of > the World is Rubbish" Days. > > Conclusion > > France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a > temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it was not > inhabited by French people.The best thing that can be said for France is > that it is not Germany.