Message-ID: <31998532.1075840322732.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Tue, 22 Jan 2002 05:30:08 -0800 (PST) From: shanna.husser@enron.com To: eric.bass@enron.com Subject: FW: New Orleans Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Husser, Shanna X-To: Bass, Eric , 'rgosser@us.ibm.com' X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \ExMerge - Bass, Eric\Inbox X-Origin: BASS-E X-FileName: eric bass 6-25-02.PST -----Original Message----- From: Cannizaro, Brandi Z SITI-ITPSCA [mailto:bcannizaro@Shell.Com] Sent: Monday, January 21, 2002 7:41 AM To: Brad Jacobs (E-mail); Bryan Bonura (E-mail); Jay Thompson (E-mail); Jennifer Hessels (E-mail); John W Unger Jr. (E-mail); Thompson, Michelle; Patricia Moncada (E-mail); Ross Cannizaro (E-mail); Husser, Shanna; Hessels, Troy V Alliance Subject: FW: New Orleans This one made me kind of home sick ... but, was a good laugh :)) > > If you come to New Orleans, you better say it right. It's pronounced "New > > Orlenz". No one from here says "New Orleens" unless they are writing a > song > > or they want their ass kicked. > > > > It's hot. It's humid. It rains. Those are the only 3 weather patterns we > have > > here. > > > > 3 out of 4 people who live in New Orleans have a drinking problem. 3 out > of 7 > > have a gambling problem. > > > > No one eats healthy. Fried Batter is actually a menu item in some > > restaurants. > > > > The shopping sucks, unless you are buying: beer, hookers or antiques. > > > > The mall is not close to anywhere, and if you get there, they don't have > what > > you came to purchase. > > > > The amount of cash you spend on gasoline and cigarettes in a month exceeds > > your rent/house note. > > > > Giving directions to a non-local in New Orleans is a waste of time. Every > > street intersects with each other. No two streets run parallel to each > other. > > > > The West Bank is actually East of the city. It would take too long to > > explain. > > > > The roads in New Orleans have potholes that are large enough to hide an > > aircraft carrier. No one is trying to correct this problem. > > > > 1 out of 3 street names are impossible to pronounce unless you were born > in > > New Orleans, or you are a cajun. > > > > If the levee breaks, everyone here will die. No one seems worried about > this > > problem either. > > > > There are 365 days in the year. There are 414 parties/festivals in New > > Orleans. (That's just in a slow month). > > > > Then how come no one ever leaves? > > ####################################################### > > Louisiana Driving Rules: > > > > 1-A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people > can > > cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane > waiting > > for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the > orange > > construction barrels. > > > > 2-Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Louisiana driver > never > > uses them. Use of them in New Orleans may be illegal. > > > > 3-Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and > the > > car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else > putting > > you in an even more dangerous situation. > > > > 4-Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going > > with the flow". > > > > 5-The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you > have > > of getting hit. > > > > 6-Never get in the way of an older car than needs extensive bodywork. > > > > ####################################################### > > SOUTHERN ADVICE > > > > If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to > the > > South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to > the > > difference in lifestyles: > > > > If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel > drive > > pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help > them; > > just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. > > > > Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't > > buy food at this store. > > > > Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is > > plural possessive. > > > > Get used to hearing 'You ain't from 'round here, 'er ya? > > > > The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's > > vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most > Northerners > > begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in > denial > > about it. > > > > Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here. > > > > If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should > stay > > out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say. > > > > If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest > > accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery > store. > > It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have > > to go there. > > > > Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they > > are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim. > > > > The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches. > > > > The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses. > > > > The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions. > > > > The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails. > > > > The North has double last names .. The South has double first names. > > > > The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Jesse Helms. > > > > The North has an ambulance .. The South has an amalance. > > > > The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits. > > > > The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens. > > > > The North has lobsters .. The South has crawdads. > > > > AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think > we > > will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the > > oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits. > > > > HAVE A GOOD DAY! Send this to four people that ain't related to ya, and I > > reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it!