Message-ID: <4624291.1075840335108.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Wed, 19 Dec 2001 05:52:32 -0800 (PST) From: edo711@hotmail.com To: don.baughman@enron.com Subject: Fwd: Santa's New Agreement Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: "Edwin Ordonez" @ENRON X-To: Baughman Jr., Don , eddieshell2@hotmail.com, fol_hem@shsu.edu, JasonOrdonez@aol.com, john-andrew.kambanis@accenture.com, jorge.ordonez@jpkhouston.com, lenamonj@aol.com, lordonez@comversens.com, rubyboice@hotmail.com, Rwdowns4@aol.com, scott.d.eber@accenture.com, soulwedgie@yahoo.com, tbanks@cbre.com, tstauch@mmb-law.com X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \ExMerge - Baughman Jr., Don\Deleted Items X-Origin: BAUGHMAN-D X-FileName: don baughman 6-25-02.PST >From: Tony Agudelo >To: Cheryl Tuck , Nancy Wilson >, Brett Zwerdling , John >Mateyak , Edwin Ordonez , Maria >Puopolo , Adam Rafal , Steve Rybar >, Josh Silverman , JoAnne Estes >, Will Jolly , David Kolman >, Mario Agudelo , Coreen >Bromfield , Wendy Bulawa >, Ann Colorado , >Chuck Davis , Owen Duckworth >, Alan Duckworth at work or travel > >Subject: Santa's New Agreement >Date: Tue, 18 Dec 2001 13:05:18 -0800 (PST) > > > > Santa's New Agreement > > > > > > MEMO FROM SANTA > > > > I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I > > > > will no longer be > > able to serve the Southern United States on > > Christmas > > Eve. Due to the > > overwhelming population of the earth, my contract > > was > > renegotiated by > > North American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now > > serve only certain > > areas of New England, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, > > Wisconsin and Michigan. As > > part of the new and better contract, I also get > > longer > > breaks for milk and > > cookies, > > so keep that in mind. However, I am certain that > > your > > children will be > > in good hands with your local replacement who > > happens > > to be my third > > cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from > > the South Pole. He > > shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good > > boys > > and girls. > > However, there are a few differences between us such > > as: > > > > 1. There is no danger of The Grinch stealing your > > presents from Bubba > > Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper > > sticker that reads: > > "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." > > > > 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers > > that children leave > > an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the > > fireplace and Bubba > > doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, > > so please have an > > empty spit can handy. > > > > 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, > > flyin' coon dogs > > instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning > > him a couple of my > > reindeer, one time, and Blitzen's head now > > overlooks > > Bubba's fireplace. > > > > 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner > > and > > Blitzen..." when > > Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On > > Earnhardt, on Wallace, on > > Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott > > and Petty." > > > > 5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And > > you also are likely > > to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" > > > > 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba > > Claus' > > sleigh does have a > > Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the > > words "Back off". The > > last I heard it also had other decorations on the > > sleigh as well. One is > > a Ford logo with lights that race through the > > letters > > and the other is a > > caricature of me (Santa Claus) peeing on the Tooth > > Fairy. > > > > 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as > > "Miracle on 34th Street" > > and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in > > your > > negotiated viewing > > area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hog Saves > > Christmas" > > and "Smokey and the > > Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus > > and > > dozens of state > > police cars crashing into each other. > > > > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, > > I'd > > make sure the > > wife and the kids turn the other way when he bends > > over to put presents > > under the tree. > > > > 9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been > > sung > > about me, like > > "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's > > "Santa Claus Is > > Coming to Town." This year songs about Bubba Claus > > will be played on all > > the AM radio stations in the South. Those song > > titles > > will be Mark > > Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. > > Judd's "All I Want > > for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and > > Johnny > > Paycheck's "If You > > Don't Like Bubba Claus, Shove It." > > > > Sincerely Yours, > > Santa Claus > > (Member) North American Fairies and Elves Local #209 > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Do You Yahoo!? > > Check out Yahoo! Shopping and Yahoo! Auctions for > > all of > > your unique holiday gifts! Buy at > > http://shopping.yahoo.com > > or bid at http://auctions.yahoo.com > > >__________________________________________________ >Do You Yahoo!? >Check out Yahoo! Shopping and Yahoo! Auctions for all of >your unique holiday gifts! Buy at http://shopping.yahoo.com >or bid at http://auctions.yahoo.com _________________________________________________________________ MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx