Message-ID: <19345541.1075840335396.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Sun, 16 Dec 2001 06:33:33 -0800 (PST) From: themarshalls1@hotmail.com Subject: Fwd: Fw: Fw: Southern Christmas Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: "Reagan&Mary Marshall" @ENRON X-To: cbsutton@earthlink.net, Baughman Jr., Don , rhodes@mail.computron.net, jenniferg@JeanRem.com, judydriskill@hotmail.com, kelcprice@aol.com, phaedra@txucom.net, shannontyer@email.msn.com, sdelaro@brazosport.cc.tx.us, timothy_d_gryseels@groton.pfizer.com X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \ExMerge - Baughman Jr., Don\Deleted Items X-Origin: BAUGHMAN-D X-FileName: don baughman 6-25-02.PST >From: "Lucy" >Reply-To: "Lucy" >To: "WAYNE & JENNY" , "SUE-BEE" >, "SUE" , "STEPHANIE" >, "RICK" , "MARY & REAGAN" >, "MARY \"17\"" , "MARLENE" >, "LAURA & RALPH" , "Kay" >, "IRIS" , "Imogene Roach" >, "DOUG & BARB" , "DOREEN" >, "CLAUDIA" , "CLARIS" >, "BILL" >Subject: Fw: Fw: Southern Christmas >Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 20:49:53 -0500 > >Subject: Southern Christmas > >We reget to inform you that, effective immediately, Santa Claus will no >longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to >the overwhelming current population of the earth, his contract was >renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 210, and he now >serves only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and >Michigan. > >As part of the new and better contract, Santa will also get longer breaks >for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind. Your children will not be >ignored on Christmas Eve - they will be in the good hands of your local >replacement, Santa's second cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is >from the South Pole. He shares Santa's goal of delivering toys to all the >good boys and girls, however, you may notice a few differences in the >service. For example: > >1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. >He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads "These toys >insured by Smith and Wesson." > >2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an >RC cola and pork rinds or a moon pie on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't >smoke a pipe, though he dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit >can handy. > >3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared flyin' coon dogs instead >of reindeer. Reindeer were once mistakenly issued to Bubba Claus, who now >has a couple more nice trophy heads over his fireplace. > >4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when >Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Ernhardt, on Wallace, on >Martin and Petty...." > >5. "Ho, ho, ho!" will be replaced by "Yee-haw!" And you also are likely to >hear Bubba's elves respond in unison, "I hear'd dat!" > >6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a >Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off." He also >has a few other decorations on his sleigh back as well, such as a string of >flashing Christmas lights around the license plate, and a caricature of >Santa Claus going wee-wee on the Tooth Fairy. > >7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and >"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. >Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit >V" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars >crashing into each other. > >8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. You should make sure that the wife and >the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the >tree. > >9. And finally, Christmas songs about Santa Claus, such as "Rudolph The >Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" will be replaced on >all AM radio stations in the South by your new official Christmas carol, >"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." > >YEE-HAW!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS! > > _________________________________________________________________ Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com