Message-ID: <13062653.1075840345820.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Wed, 9 May 2001 14:25:00 -0700 (PDT) From: stewart@mallia.com To: don.baughman@enron.com, hjzubke@dkapl.com, eek@hbl-architects.com, lmudd@firstam.com, mthiem@spain-law.com, reidstav@houston.rr.com, 'triolo@enron.com, tina.triolo@jacobs.com, vstewart@inotes.iced.net Subject: FW: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Marc Stewart X-To: 'Don Baughman' , 'Heather J. Zubke' , 'Eric Korth' , 'Lisa Mudd' , 'Matt Thiem' , 'Reid Home' , 'Triolo, Tina' , 'Vic Stewart' X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \ExMerge - Baughman Jr., Don\Personal\JOKES X-Origin: BAUGHMAN-D X-FileName: don baughman 6-25-02.PST > CELEBRITY QUOTES (and there's no truth to the rumor that these quotes > came from Marc Stewart): > "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole > relationships." > Sharon Stone > > Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're > in." > Courtney Cox Monica on "Friends" > > "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in > poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are > apparently doing quite well for themselves." > Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead) > > "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, > but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." > Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) > > "ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's > genitals through his wallet." > Robin Williams > > "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." > Billy Crystal > > "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't > like and just give her a house." > Rod Stewart > > "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other > hand, we can open all our own jars." > Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women) > > "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything > on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on > Satan." > George Burns > > "My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's > reading." > Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers) > > "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. > Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." > Tiger Woods > > "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment > turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." > Rev. Jesse Jackson > > "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." > Jack Nicholson > > "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the > only time of the month that I can be myself." > Roseanne > > "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable > undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other > women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men > are just grateful." > Robert De Niro > > "In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. > Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough > attention to women's breasts?" > Hugh Grant > > "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are > having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe > swelling. So what's the problem?" > Dustin Hoffman > > "When the sun comes up, I have morals again." > Elizabeth Taylor > > "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I > know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'" > Jerry Seinfield > > AND THE NUMBER ONE QUOTE IS > "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only > enough blood to run one at a time." > Robin Williams > >