Message-ID: <19324738.1075840411591.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Mon, 28 Jan 2002 08:13:11 -0800 (PST) From: chris.dorland@enron.com To: chad.clark@enron.com, cooper.richey@enron.com, carlos.torres@enron.com, mike.cowan@enron.com, john.zufferli@enron.com, ryan.watt@enron.com, ian.cooke@enron.com, j..taylor@enron.com Subject: FW: The Rules of Manhood Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Dorland, Chris X-To: Clark, Chad , Richey, Cooper , Torres, Carlos , Cowan, Mike , Zufferli, John , Watt, Ryan , Cooke, Ian , Taylor, Michael J. X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \ExMerge - Dorland, Chris\Sent Items X-Origin: DORLAND-C X-FileName: chris dorland 6-26-02.PST -----Original Message----- From: "Engelhardt, Matthew" @ENRON Sent: Friday, January 25, 2002 2:54 PM To: Dorland, Chris; Dorland, Dan; 'Kbibby (E-mail); Max Zureski (CA - Calgary) (E-mail); Mike George (E-mail); Nate Dogg (E-mail); Colin Clements (CA - Calgary) (E-mail) Subject: FW: The Rules of Manhood -----Original Message----- From: Yee, Colin Sent: Friday, January 25, 2002 9:01 AM To: Alder, Doug; Bain, Stacy; Engelhardt, Matthew; Maxwell, Tara; Simpson, Regan; Steinke, Nathan; Tymofichuk, Christin Subject: FW: The Rules of Manhood -----Original Message----- From: Colin Yee [mailto:cmyee@home.com] Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2002 10:26 PM To: mandmmitton@shaw.ca; cmyee@collinsbarrow.com; Wes Giebelhaus Subject: Fw: The Rules of Manhood > The Rules of Manhood > >>> > >>> * Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat. > > > >>> * In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments. > > > >>> * Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella... > > > >>> * Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally > killed > >>> and eaten by his fellow partygoers. > > > >>> * When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, > father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, you need not and > should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. > You are permitted to deny his very existence. > > * Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a > friend out of jail within 12 hours. > > * You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without > recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to > call,"Bullshit!". (Exception: When tryi > ng to pick up a girl, the allowable > exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.) > > * If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits > forever. > > * The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's >>> > running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 >minutes > for >>> every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. > > * Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is > >>> forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. > > > * No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In > >>> fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional. > > * Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is > >>trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away > >with your >>> good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal > is forbidden to >>speak of > it, even at your bachelor party. > > * Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission > >and he, in return, is required to grant it. > > > * Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies >>> > until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a > >Buffalo wing clean. > > * If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem- you didn't see > >nothin'. > > * The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. > > * A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. > > * Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 > >>> minutes of meeting them. You, however, are not required to make nice > >with her >>> girlfriend's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports > bonding is all >>> the law requires. > > * When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may > >always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask w > ho's > >playing. > > > >>> * When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney > friend >>up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be > able to >>> warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about > joining the >>> priesthood. > > > >>> * It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're > >>> sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super > >model...and it's free. > > > >>> * A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must > remain >>> sober enough to fight. > > > >>> * If a buddy is out numbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you > >>must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his > actions >>> have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good > ass-whooping", >then >>> you may sit back and enjoy. > > > >>> > * Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. > > > >>> * Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of > pizza, >>> but not both. That's just plain mean. > > > >>> * If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to > >>his beer. > > > >>> * Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when > she's >>> withholding sex pending your response. > > > >>> * Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing; > >>> either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other > situations, >a nod >>is all the conversation you need. > > > >>> * If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may > not >>> join him.... > > > >>> * If fast dancing is absolutely necessary, a man may NEVER raise his > >>hands above shoulder level .... > > > >> > ;> * Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must > attempt >>> one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you > in the eye, >and deliver a, "F--- OFF!", you are absolved of all > responsibility. > > * The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" >have > carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and > >>guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about > >what a big >>> mistake it was. > > >