Message-ID: <26945727.1075840424433.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 12:11:50 -0700 (PDT) From: chris.dorland@enron.com To: clightfield@velaw.com Subject: RE: Fw: Beer Troubleshooting Guide Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Dorland, Chris X-To: '"Lightfield, Crystal" @ENRON' X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \ExMerge - Dorland, Chris\Sent Items X-Origin: DORLAND-C X-FileName: chris dorland 6-26-02.PST What's up? I nearly drowned on the way home the other day. Beautiful weather we're having. Are you feeling better? I got a cold but I feel better today. The trick is getting 10 hours of sleep a night. Tonight is the MTV movie awards. I really need to get a life. I mentioned the party to Rob but he forgot to ask Darlene. I'll let you know if they are coming tommorow. Talk to you later. Chris -----Original Message----- From: "Lightfield, Crystal" @ENRON [mailto:IMCEANOTES-+22Lightfield+2C+20Crystal+22+20+3CCLightfield+40velaw+2Ecom+3E+40ENRON@ENRON.com] Sent: Thursday, June 07, 2001 1:57 PM To: 'Beth Fingerman'; 'Brian Archer'; 'Candi Archer'; 'Charles Ward'; Dorland, Chris; 'Cliff&Diana'; 'Craig & Deb'; 'Daddo'; 'Diane Nolen'; 'Erin (work)'; 'Lance Bertolino'; 'Lara Bell (work)'; 'Lisa Broussard'; 'mom'; 'Mom (work)'; 'Michele Lightfield'; 'MT'; 'Nicole'; 'Steph' Subject: FW: Fw: Beer Troubleshooting Guide > BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE: > > SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. > FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. > ACTION: Punch him. > > SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're > in. > FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. > ACTION: See if they have free beer. > > SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. > FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. > ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. > > SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. > FAULT: Improper bladder control. > ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. > (POKEY) > > SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. > FAULT: Glass empty. > ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. > > SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. > FAULT: You have fallen over backward. > ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar. > > SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. > FAULT: You have fallen forward. > ACTION: See above. > > SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. > FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. > ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. > > SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. > FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. > ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. > > SYMPTOM: Floor moving. > FAULT: You are being carried out. > ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. > > SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. > FAULT: Bar has closed. > ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home. > > SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect and > textures. > FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. > ACTION: Cover mouth. > > SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. > FAULT: You are dancing on the table. > ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. > > SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. > FAULT: You have been in a fight. > ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. > > SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. > FAULT: The beer is too weak. > ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. > > SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. > FAULT: Beer is just right. > ACTION: Play air guitar. > > SYMPTOM: Ugly woman in your sights. > FAULT: Insufficient beer intake. > ACTION: Up the dosage. > > SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt. > FAULT: You've been walking into things. > ACTION: Maintain dosage. > > SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands. > FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts. > ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist. > > SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around. > FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride. > ACTION: It's too late, you made an ass of yourself. > > ++++++CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE+++++ The information in this email may be confidential and/or privileged. This email is intended to be reviewed by only the individual or organization named above. If you are not the intended recipient or an authorized representative of the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any review, dissemination or copying of this email and its attachments, if any, or the information contained herein is prohibited. If you have received this email in error, please immediately notify the sender by return email and delete this email from your system. Thank You