Message-ID: <11064674.1075858129128.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Wed, 27 Sep 2000 06:15:00 -0700 (PDT) From: matthew.lenhart@enron.com To: frank.ermis@enron.com, jay.reitmeyer@enron.com, tori.kuykendall@enron.com, paul.lucci@enron.com, steven.south@enron.com, kenneth.shulklapper@enron.com, timothy.blanchard@enron.com, chad.landry@enron.com, bryan.hull@enron.com, eric.bass@enron.com, stephen.plauche@enron.com Subject: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Matthew Lenhart X-To: Frank Ermis, Jay Reitmeyer, Tori Kuykendall, Paul T Lucci, Steven P South, Kenneth Shulklapper, Timothy Blanchard, Chad Landry, Bryan Hull, Eric Bass, Stephen Plauche X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Matthew_Lenhart_Jun2001\Notes Folders\Discussion threads X-Origin: Lenhart-M X-FileName: mlenhar.nsf ---------------------- Forwarded by Matthew Lenhart/HOU/ECT on 09/27/2000 01:12 PM --------------------------- "Marcantel MM (Mitch)" on 09/27/2000 11:49:02 AM To: "Oncale Z (Zach)" , "'Matthew.Lenhart@enron.com'" , "Sutton EE (Ed)" , "Olmscheid JF (Joe)" cc: Subject: DUMP AT WORK > >> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked > >> back in > >> our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much > >> as we > >> try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of > >> you > >> who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the........... > >> > >> 1999 SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR TAKING A DUMP AT WORK. > >> Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure > >> pleasure. > >> > >> ESCAPEE > >> Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or > >> forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave > >> of > >> panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when > >> passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, > >> do > >> not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing > >> next to > >> the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one > >> likes an > >> escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or > >> laughing > >> makes both parties feel uneasy. > >> > >> JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) Definition: When forcing > >> poop, > >> several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side > >> effect > >> of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain > >> in the > >> stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the > >> awkwardness of what just occurred. > >> > >> COURTESY FLUSH > >> Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone > >> of the > >> poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed > >> location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink > >> up the > >> bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF > >> SHAME. > >> > >> WALK OF SHAME > >> Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you > >> have > >> just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment > >> if > >> someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the > >> smell > >> does not exist. > >> > >> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER > >> Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. > >> You will > >> often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a > >> newspaper or > >> magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out > >> of the > >> Closet pooper before entering the bathroom. > >> > >> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) > >> Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure > >> "emergency > >> pooping" goes off without incident. This group can help you to > >> monitor the > >> whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS. > >> > >> SAFE HAVEN > >> Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where > >> you can > >> least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the > >> opposite > >> sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the > >> bathroom. > >> > >> TURD BURGLAR > >> Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall > >> and > >> tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and > >> vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If > >> this > >> occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURG leaves. This way you > >> will > >> avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. > >> > >> CAMO-COUGH > >> Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the > >> bathroom > >> that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or > >> to > >> alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in > >> conjunction with > >> an ASTAIRE. > >> > >> ASTAIRE > >> Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD > >> BURGLARS > >> that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the > >> stall > >> is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately > >> so the > >> pooper can poop in peace. > >> > >> WATERMELON > >> Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet > >> water. > >> This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON > >> coming on, > >> create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. > >> > >> HAVANA OMELET > >> Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes > >> in > >> the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a > >> CAMO-COUGH > >> with an ASTAIRE. > >> > >> UNCLE TED > >> Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. > >> Could > >> spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on > >> the pot. > >> An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you > >> should > >> always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This > >> benefits you > >> as well as the other bathroom attendees. > >> > >> FLY BY > >> Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk > >> in, > >> check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave > >> and > >> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People > >> may > >> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the > >> bathroom. > >> > >> CRACK WHORE > >> Definition: A crapper that has seen more behinds than a Greyhound Bus. > >> Tell > >> tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pee stains and crap streaks. > >> Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor > >> cleans > >> each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE can become a > >> SAFE > >> HAVEN. > >> > >