Message-ID: <522944.1075858976781.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Tue, 8 May 2001 10:15:26 -0700 (PDT) From: sandyteb@aol.com To: tlokey@enron.com Subject: Fwd: More funny stuff (church bulletins) Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Sandyteb@aol.com@ENRON X-To: tlokey@enron.com X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \TLOKEY (Non-Privileged)\sandy X-Origin: Lokey-T X-FileName: TLOKEY (Non-Privileged).pst Teb, You've got to read this--even if you're in the middle of something important--ESPECIALLY if you're in the middle of something important. Enjoy!! Love, Sandy Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Return-Path: Received: from rly-xc04.mx.aol.com (rly-xc04.mail.aol.com [172.20.105.137]) by air-xc05.mail.aol.com (v77_r1.36) with ESMTP; Tue, 08 May 2001 07:27:58 -0400 Received: from smtp.mcttelecom.com (smtp.mcttelecom.com [204.97.16.55]) by rly-xc04.mx.aol.com (v77_r1.36) with ESMTP; Tue, 08 May 2001 07:27:24 -0400 Received: from monad.net (arc1-p2-31.keene.monad.net [204.97.236.31]) by smtp.mcttelecom.com (8.10.0/Nope) with ESMTP id f48BIaE00915; Tue, 8 May 2001 07:18:37 -0400 (EDT) Message-ID: <3AF7D9C3.375081DB@monad.net> Date: Tue, 08 May 2001 07:34:27 -0400 From: jshafham@monad.net Reply-To: jshafham@monad.net X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.75 (Macintosh; U; PPC) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Ardis Bond family , Bruce Hammond , Susan Dunholter , Lida Rose , susyandtom , "Shaffer, Henry" , Sarah Hale , Meredith Martin , Sandy Taylor , Margaret Gurney , melissa , Linda Ottavi , Jane Force , Larry Shaffer , Lajla K , John Sias , Janet Lutkus , Christine Force , Jackie Shaffer , David Weir Subject: More funny stuff (church bulletins) Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; x-mac-type="54455854"; x-mac-creator="4D4F5353" These aren't from Bill (my usual source), but from another Lyceum committee member. Have a good morning. --jill ************* >These are actual clippings from church newspapers It's amazing what a little proofreading would prevent: >> >> Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight >> at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear >> Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. >> >> Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & >> FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and >> Prayer conference includes meals." >> >> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in >> the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. >> >> Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," >> giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. >> >> "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid >> of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget >> your husbands." >> >> Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. >> Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone >> come for a fun time. >> >> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due >> to a conflict. >> >> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon >> tonight: "Searching for Jesus." >> >> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all >> the help they can get. >> >> Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more >> transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests >> tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. >> >> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir >> will sing "Break Forth into Joy." >> >> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. >> >> Smile at someone who is hard to love. >> >> Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. >> >> Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help. >> >> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the >> church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. >> >> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is >> Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. >> >> Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition >> of several new members and to the deterioration of some older >> ones. >> >> The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy >> sinning to join the choir. >> >> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be >> recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. >> >> The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed >> potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a >> nominal feel. For those of you who have children and don't know >> it, we have a nursery downstairs. >> >> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the >> deceased person(s) you want remembered. >> >> Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy >> lunch. >> >> The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb >> entertainment, and gracious hostility. >> >> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to >> follow. >> >> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. >> They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This >> evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across >> from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. >> >> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All >> ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. >> is done. >> >> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation >> would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast >> next Sunday morning. >> >> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the >> back door. >> >> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the >> Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to >> attend this tragedy. >> >> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian >> Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. >> >> Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. >> >> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign >> slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." >> >> >> Contributed by: Julie Cummings