Message-ID: <28845315.1075861360675.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Fri, 16 Nov 2001 08:49:07 -0800 (PST) From: brian.hendon@enron.com To: kevin.ruffcorn@enron.com, gerald.nemec@enron.com, kristy.armstrong@enron.com Subject: FW: The History of Aggie Civilization - THIS IS GOOD!! Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Hendon, Brian X-To: Ruffcorn, Kevin , Nemec, Gerald , Armstrong, Kristy X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \GNEMEC (Non-Privileged)\Nemec, Gerald\Inbox X-Origin: Nemec-G X-FileName: GNEMEC (Non-Privileged).pst -----Original Message----- From: Jason.Cain@reliant.com [mailto:Jason.Cain@reliant.com] Sent: Friday, November 16, 2001 10:46 AM To: Brian_Cain@fws.gov; jlcain%medicine@tamu.edu; madc66@yahoo.com; Mark_Clifton@Dell.com; Hendon, Brian; jpolasek@etgi.cc; mike_reddell@hotmail.com; fredz@orillion.com Subject: The History of Aggie Civilization - THIS IS GOOD!! THE HISTORY OF AGGIE CIVILIZATION The history of the aggie people is as confusing and complex as any culture that exists on earth. Yet, unlike many peoples that have adapted and evolved in response to external and internal influences over the centuries, the aggies have largely remained true to their roots. And they're proud of it. As a result of passing on their beliefs and practices over the years, their behavior over time has been remarkably consistent. It is this consistency that makes them an exciting and fascinating group to study. Who are the aggies? The relationship between the aggies and morons, idiots, and okies are often misunderstood. Contrary to widespread belief, the aggies are considered, and consider themselves, a separate people from the morons, idiots, and okies. Historically, the true stupidity of aggies has largely dominated over, and outnumbered all three other groups combined. The misconception that the four groups are related probably stems from the fact that morons and idiots have imitated many rituals and behaviors practiced by the aggies. However, aggies are a distinct group. [Although recent evidence (Solomon, Shyster, et. al?1995) suggests that at one time, probably early in the century, aggies and okies lived together and interbred in parts of Southern Oklahoma and Texas, hence, Arkansas was populated by their offspring. What largely separates aggies from the others groups is their social interaction. Unlike okies, idiots, and morons, aggies are highly social creatures that tend to validate each other's views and beliefs. This can lead to what scholars call a "groupthink delusion." It is believed that these delusions are the glue that have bound aggies everywhere together over the years. The history of the aggie school of thought actually begins in ancient Greece, with the early philospher Slocumedes, who was the first to recognize that the absence of everything is equivalent to nothing. He had a large number of stupid followers and much of his works is still passed on from parent to child today. Stupicles, from Pheces, taught that all things could be crushed by a large enough piece of wood. His students, known as woodpeckers, practiced pet embalming, hand gestures, organized grunting and mastered many techniques in consuming solid food through their nasal cavities. Stupicles was also a prolific writer. Unfortunately, his twelve volumes of philosophical works, which he wrote entirely in the sand on an Egyptian beach, was lost during a high Mediterranean tide. With the rise of the Roman Empire, many aggies sought the stability and steady work afforded by slavery. The aggies however, made poor slaves, and many were forced into Christianity for "entertainment of monks" and so that they could be fed to the lions. Others were driven out of the Roman Empire into Northern Europe where they settled many colonies. The void left by the fall of the Roman Empire provided the aggies an opportunity to flourish unhindered in Europe, hence Poland and France were populated. The aggies didn't fare so well during the industrial revolution since the philosophical and scientific frameworks of Descartes and Newton didn't give much leeway to superstition and planned ignorance. More and more aggies found themselves falling into the ranks of the working masses. Aggies caused many early industrial accidents as they tried to fit into this rapidly changing society, and evidence of their engineering prowess remains, such as the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Their ways and practices were not appreciated in the new European culture; however, and increasingly many aggies sought refuge across the ocean in America. That is those who didn't wind up sinking their ships in the North Atlantic. Part of the problem in identifying an aggie is that they look and act much like anyone else until they do or say something decidedly stupid. Most aggies don't think of themselves as morons, but rather as intelligent individuals. This makes it very difficult to reason with an aggie. Stupid acts can take many forms and vary in degree, but when an aggie commits one it is unmistakable. The majority of the times a aggie turns out to be nothing more than an inconvenience and source of humor to the innocent bystander. These incidents are played out on city streets, supermarkets and country Dairy Queens daily. However, there are times when these acts can get out of hand and be devastating. It is always wise to be on alert and prepared, and stay away from large stacks of logs, maroon-clad men wielding binoculars, or people with shaved heads with swords. At times you may find yourself in close proximity to an aggie in the midst of a stupid spell. It is good advice not to approach them during an incident unless accompanied by a trained professional. If you find that you have no choice, then speak slowly and use small, soothing words. Never try to outwit an aggie since they will only interpret that as a hostile and aggressive act. Always let the aggie think they are superior. And under no circumstances let your face or hands, pets or livestock near aggies mouth. Keep in mind at all times, that although an aggie may seem intelligent and civilized, they are not. It is an adaptive disguise developed over the centuries. Beware, be safe, and be orange! Hook'em!