Message-ID: <4899023.1075846780607.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2000 06:58:00 -0800 (PST) From: ehillegeist@hotmail.com To: sscott5@enron.com, katyhester@hotmail.com Subject: Fwd: Revocation Of Independence Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: "Emily Hillegeist" X-To: sscott5@enron.com, katyhester@hotmail.com X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Susan_Scott_Dec2000_June2001_2\Notes Folders\Discussion threads X-Origin: SCOTT-S X-FileName: sscott5.nsf bitter, bitter, bitter. this country is FULL of sour grapes! our washers and dryers kick, plus- have these people ever heard of ice or REAL movie popcorn??? no, seriously.....?! e >From: "Holly Paxman" >To: "Tom Paulsen" , "Sharon Kurnett" >, "John Paxman" , "emily" >, "Alan Soch" , >"Niki Finerty" , "Marci Arena" >, "Michael Handler" , >, "Stephanie Kika" > >Subject: Revocation Of Independence >Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2000 10:15:44 -0000 > >To the citizens of the United States of America, > >In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to >govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your >independence, effective today. > >Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties >over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which >she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP >for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a >world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without >the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. >A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of >you noticed. > >To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following >rules are introduced with immediate effect: > >1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then >look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at >just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise >your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same >twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you >know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up >"interspersed" . > >2. There is no such thing as "US English" . We will let Microsoft know on >your behalf. > >3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It >really isn't that hard. > >4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the >good guys. > >5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen, >but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get >confused and give up half way through. > >6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of >football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. >The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders >may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no >longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. >Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult >game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby >(which is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a >rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). >We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. > >7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if >they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is >a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The >Russians have never been the bad guys. Merde is French for "shit". > >8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new >national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day. > >9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your >own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. > >10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > >Thank you for your cooperation. > >
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