Message-ID: <5427506.1075858931037.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Sat, 4 Aug 2001 03:28:56 -0700 (PDT) From: ehillegeist@hotmail.com To: sscott5@enron.com Subject: one of those "patriotic" things. Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: "Emily Hillegeist" @ENRON X-To: sscott5@enron.com X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \SSCOTT5 (Non-Privileged)\Scott, Susan M.\Inbox X-Origin: Scott-S X-FileName: SSCOTT5 (Non-Privileged).pst > >Why are Aggies the shame of Texas ? >Well, I am probably not the best person to go into this. I can assure you >my >brother, and other Horns who have had the torture of spending time in >College Station can tell it better than I, but here are my takes on the >subject. >1) They won't shut up. They have to go on about spirit, and dogs, and old >army, and red ass, and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they >have in their urine to beat U.T., and blah bah blah. Shut up. You start to >get the feeling their entire school was built to spite U.T. Forget the fact >that when the Texas Legislature back in the 1870's passed legislation to >start a state university they also decided to have a subsidiary branch of >the main school (University of Texas) that would teach agriculture and >mechanics. Ags love to say their school is older, from where they get that >I >don't know.........the fact is, the State intended a&m to be a branch of >U.T. They are like afterbirth from the original creation. Like Danny Devito >in 'Twins'. So they apparently have this complex, so much so, that they >must >devote their entire school to trying to prove to U.T. that they are just as >good. All the while, nobody at U.T. denies that A&M is a good school, yet >they won't shut up. So they write a fight song ... about ... Texas, and how >they want to beat us. They have a Fish camp for Freshman ... where ... they >tell them how bad Texas is and how good A&M and all its traditions are. It >is the worlds longest known case of penis envy, and it is manifest in >everything A&M does. >2) The people at A&M. Now we all have friends who went to A&M or are at >A&M. >There are some nice people there. However......there is the Corp. East >Texas >answer to dreams of ROTC kids everywhere. For every boyscout who never >learned to stop playing with his GI Joe toys, there is the Corp. Now, >forget >the fact that A&M will actually let people with sub-par grades enroll if >they agree to join the Corp. Forget the fact that the Corp looked like a >gestapo hate rally when beating down students (including one instance of >tackling and punching a young girl) on Kyle Field in 1995. Forget the fact >that along with the numerous hazing charges that have been filed against >them, and swept under the rug over the years, they just this past month >have >had one Corp member bring charges against another Corp member who >apparently >had been propositioning others for a little mutual Sodomy. Not only could I >go on with more instances of idiocy by these Khaki clad shaven headed >dorks, >I am sure each of you have your own stories. The point is: We all respect >West Point, Anapolis, The Air Force Academy. Nobody respects the Corp. I >imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of the military world. Just >because you dress like the Army, and try and act like the Army, does not >make you the Army. People at A&M don't even like these clowns. It is not >cool to shave your head and dress up. Halloween is only supposed to be one >day of the year. If you want to carry guns and beat up civilians, move to >Israel. It is even less cool to slobber on somebody's daughter on national >television and call it a tradition. Dry humping 18 year old girls in the >stands at football games is not cool. Not only is it not cool, it should be >against the law. I know that in College Station, students are prone to just >mount each other on the campus lawn, or in the middle of class, or any time >anything good happens you can just grab the girl next to you and start >sucking on her face. But everywhere else in the world, it is looked down >upon. Especially if you are doing it on my T.V. That is why we had to move >the game from Thanksgiving. Because people across the nation were gagging >on >their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game, some boys >scout >is tongue thrashing some overweight co-ed during somebody's thanksgiving >dinner. We do not need to see burly women engaged in a suck fest every time >your woeful offense manages to put points on the board. Some of these girls >are in desperate need of a trip to the Clinique counter. Screw that, forget >make-up, it is too late for that, just give them a veil. >3) I have only dated one aggie in my lifetime. She was a cute girl too. But >our relationship, albeit doomed from the start, was cut short when she >ripped butt in my presence on a date. I am willing to look past many >shortcomings in a woman, but do not expect to drop ass, in my bedroom no >less, and expect not to get run. There will be no blasting of foul air by >my >future wife. At least not until we are engaged. Come on. Is that common in >College Station ? Do ags sit around on dates just trading glandular >salutes. >"Hey Betty (FARRRT) Can you top that ????" "Sure Bill, (GGGRRUUUNNTTTT) put >that in your pipe and smoke it". Truly Gross. Is that what ags mean by 'Red >Ass' and 'Old Army' ? She sure laid some Old Army that night. >4) T.U. is not funny. It is not insulting. It is just dumb. Just imagine >Ags, if folks from Texas kept talking about M&A, and giggling. That would >not be funny. In fact it would be retarded. That's why we don't do it. >Please learn. >5) You want to lose the image of country bumpkins, of a people fond of >sheep, of people that aren't stupid? Then quit building things that fall >down. Quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national television. >Quit whooping in church. Quit whooping period. Quit putting up scoreboards >for the enjoyment of dead mammals. Quit spending your Friday nights >practicing how to yell. Quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you're >running for Governor. When you are filling out your season ticket renewals, >and the form asks for your - Phone #, H & W: - Quit putting 258-3999, >Height >6'3, weight 185. Just, collectively, stop making asses of yourselves. Go to >East Texas, tour every small town, and ask every red neck with a 5th grade >education why they cheer for A&M and wear maroon. That is your fan base. >This is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid. >6) Nobody cares if you think your band is better. They might be louder, >they >might march in neat little zig zags, but they have no musical ability. But >the point is, nobody cares 'who wins halftime'. Quit getting geeked up >about >marching bands. I find it hard to believe you stood through your high >school >band's entire halftime performance. And why? Cause nobody cared then, and >nobody cares now. Plus, you can hear them fine sitting down even if you do >care. Why is it cool all of a sudden now that you're in college ? >7) Men should never let out high pitched whooping sounds. Perhaps the only >justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an >anal probe. Oh wait........I understand now. >8) Dogs are not ladies. They don't look or smell like ladies. Dogs eat >their >own feces and should be treated accordingly. >9) Finally. College Station is an arm-pit of a town. Quit pretending that >it >is a great college town. It is a town, and there is a college there. That >should be the end of this comparison. If you feel that life doesn't get any >better than the Dixie Chicken, and enjoy being stuck in a never ending >'Dukes Of Hazard' episode, then move there. More importantly, don't move to >Austin........we are trying to create an educated, technological, and open >minded population base. Austin is, and will continue to be, the birthplace >and final resting place of all that is cool. As my friend Stephen Johnston >once said: "If the world were ever to get an enema, College Station is >where >you would connect the hose." If you go to school at A&M, please don't be an >aggie. >God Bless the Great State of Texas > > > > _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp