Message-ID: <18905381.1075844229935.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Thu, 15 Mar 2001 02:56:00 -0800 (PST) From: lara.leibman@enron.com To: fred.enochs@enron.com, david.reinfeld@enron.com, brian.bradford@enron.com, richard.shapiro@enron.com, james.steffes@enron.com, mark.palmer@enron.com, bleibman@froschtravel.com Subject: Being a Good Republican Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Lara Leibman X-To: Fred Enochs, David Reinfeld, Brian Bradford, Richard Shapiro, James D Steffes, Mark Palmer, bleibman@froschtravel.com X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Richard_Shapiro_June2001\Notes Folders\Discussion threads X-Origin: SHAPIRO-R X-FileName: rshapiro.nsf 26 RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN IN 21st CENTURY AMERICA > > 1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was > due entirely to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that > yesterday's gas prices are all Clinton's fault. > > 2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success > all on their own. > > 3. You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social > Security checks on time, whether you need the money or not. > > 4. You have to believe that government should stay out of people's > lives, > yet you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages and > what your official language should be. > > 5. You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a > profit. > (The Christie Whitman rule!!) > > 6. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as people don't > pray > to Allah, Krishna or Buddha. > > 7. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins. > > 8. You have to believe that women cannot be trusted with decisions about > > their own bodies, but that large multinational corporations should have > no regulation or interference whatsoever. > > 9. You know you love Jesus and that Jesus loves you and that Jesus > shares > your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton. > > 10. You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black > in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote > for > Alan Keyes. > > 11. You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 > > million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have > ever been unfaithful to their wives. > > 12. You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun > is > bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for > all > Americans. > > 13. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, > because > we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex. > > 14. You have to believe that the American Civil Liberties Union is bad > because they defend the Constitution, while the National Rifle > Association > is good because they defend the Constitution. > > 15. You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that > Europe doesn't exist. > > 16. You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to > deserve > federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the > public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore > it, it will go away. > > 17. You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals > of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the > > Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading. > > 18. You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more > > Americans than private handguns, alcohol, and tobacco. > > 19. You have to believe that even though governments have supported the > arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art > were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such > support. > After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need > any. > > 20. You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old > > growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and > the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein. > > 21. You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt > Gingrich, > Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that > bastard Clinton should be impeached. > > 22. You have to believe that taking RU486 is murder, but the electric > chair is a deterrent. > > 23. You have to believe that the way to fix the military is to spend > more > money, the way to fix the schools is to spend less. > > 24. You have to believe in mandatory sentencing for cocaine users, > unless > they are attending Yale at the time. > > 25. You have to believe that new hiways in the suburbs are an > investment, > public transportation is a subsidy. > > 26. You have to believe scientists when they say a space based > anti-missile > defense system is feasible, but that global warming is a figment of > their > imagination. > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com > ------------------------------------------------------ Get the Latest News at CNN Interactive: http://CNN.com