Message-ID: <15259824.1075858622793.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Fri, 28 Sep 2001 11:30:07 -0700 (PDT) From: mark.whitt@enron.com To: theresa.staab@enron.com, tyrell.harrison@enron.com, t..lucci@enron.com Subject: FW: A good chuckle. Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Whitt, Mark X-To: Staab, Theresa , Harrison, Tyrell , Lucci, Paul T. X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \MWHITT (Non-Privileged)\Deleted Items X-Origin: Whitt-M X-FileName: MWHITT (Non-Privileged).pst -----Original Message----- From: Appling, Mike [mailto:mappling@chematch.com] Sent: Friday, September 28, 2001 11:51 AM To: Arthur Carpentier (E-mail); Brett Treadwell (E-mail); Brian Cannell (E-mail); David Zaozirny (E-mail); 'Dean Patry' (E-mail); 'Diane Appling (E-mail); Dwayne Hyzak (E-mail); George Appling (E-mail); Jeff Sproull (E-mail); Jeff Thomas (E-mail); Jeff Todes (E-mail); Jerry Jernigan (E-mail); Morris, Jesse; John Carr (E-mail); Kelly Boston (E-mail); Kevin Baros (E-mail); Kregg Lunsford (E-mail); Kristi Bishop (E-mail); Larry St Martin (E-mail); Leslie cell (E-mail); Leslie cell (E-mail 2); Whitt, Mark; Matt Hill (E-mail); 'Pam. Glynn (E-mail); Simon Palmer (E-mail); Steven Jernigan (E-mail); Steven Wolf (E-mail); Steven. B. Brown (E-mail); Todd Quattlebaum (E-mail 2); Wade Pursell (E-mail); Wade Sanders (E-mail); William evans (E-mail) Subject: FW: A good chuckle. > > > If you are a George Carlin fan, this will start your morning. > > Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little > bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE > > Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section > in a swimming pool? > > OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa > Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee > Titans? > > If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... Does that mean that one enjoys > it? > > There are three religious truths: > 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. > 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian > faith. > 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > George Carlin Imponderables: > > 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he > become disoriented? > > 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland > called Holes? > > 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? > > 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? > > 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? > > 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? > > 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two > cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? > > 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? > > 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread > to begin with? > > 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? > > 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who > drives a race car not called a racist? > > 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? > > 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? > > 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? > > 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. > Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? > > 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that > electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models > deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? > > 17. If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? > > 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? > > 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? > > 20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more > as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final > exam. > > 21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons > and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? > > 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are > we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on > the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they > deliver the mail? > > 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the > others here for? > > 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. > > 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning. > > 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? > > 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went > nuts. > > 28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? > > 29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? > > > > > > > >