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Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 11:38:40 -0700 (PDT)
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Beer Warning Labels  
>  
>  
>Due to increasing product liability litigation, American beer brewers  
>have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be  
>placed immediately on all beer containers:  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are  
>whispering when you are not.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an  
>asshole.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same  
>boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR  
>HEAD IN !!!  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like  
>thish.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that  
>ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the  
>morning.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the  
>hell happened to your pants.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically  
>converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical  
>Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the  
>morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you  
>can't remember).  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable  
>rug burns on the forehead.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are  
>tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy  
>named FRANZ.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are  
>invisible.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are  
>laughing WITH you.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the  
>time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time  
>may seem to literally disappear.  
>  
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.  
Bob Bane 
Washington Court House