Message-ID: <13272675.1075852545072.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 11:05:57 -0700 (PDT) From: wiegert@internetni.com To: colehour.ted@enron.com, watkins.stephanie@enron.com, wiegert.ross@enron.com, edmunds.robert@enron.com, falancer.mary@enron.com, canier.nathen@enron.com, emery.ken@enron.com, jason.wolfe@enron.com, wiegert.john@enron.com Subject: : noah Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: "Wayne & Ruth Wiegert" @ENRON X-To: Ted and Sharon Colehour , Stephanie Watkins , ROSS WIEGERT , Robert Edmunds , Mary ann Falancer , NATHEN CANIER , Ken & Mary Jean Emery , Wolfe, Jason , john wiegert X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \JWOLFE (Non-Privileged)\06-saved X-Origin: Wolfe-J X-FileName: JWOLFE (Non-Privileged).pst Subject: noah > IF NOAH LIVED IN THE UNITED STATES, TODAY . . . > And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I > am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth > with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want > you to save the righteous people and two of every kind > of living > thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to > build an Ark." In a flash of lightening, God delivered > the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, > Noah took the plans and agreed to build the > Ark."Remember " said the Lord, "You must complete the > Ark and bring everything aboard in one year. > > Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered > the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a > tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his > front yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted. "Where is the > Ark?" "Lord, > please forgive me!", cried Noah. "I did my best, but > there were big problems. > > 1. I had to get a permit for construction > > 2. Your plans did not comply with the codes. > > 3. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the > plans. > > 4. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or > not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and > flotation devices. > > 5. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating > zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front > yard, so I had to get a variance from the city > planning commission. > > 6. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, > because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect > the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest > Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. > > 7. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me > catch any owls. So, no owls. > > 8. The carpenters formed a union and went out on > strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the > National Labor Relations Board before anyone would > pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters on > the Ark, but still > no owls. > > 9. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got > sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me > only taking two of each kind aboard. > > 10. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA > notified me that I > could > not complete the Ark without filing an environmental > impact statement > on > your > proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the > idea that they > had no > jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the > universe. > > 11. Then the Army Engineers demanded a map of the > proposed new flood > plan. I > sent them a globe. > > 12. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint > filed with the Equal > Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing > discrimination > by > not taking Godless, unbelieving people aboard! > > 13.The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm > building the Ark in > preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. > I just got a > notice > from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax > as I failed to > register > the Ark as a "recreational water craft." > > 14. Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an > injunction against > further > construction of the Ark, saying that since God is > flooding the earth, > it is > a > religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I > really don't think > I can > finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed. > The sky began > to > clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to > calm. A rainbow > arched > across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean > you are not going > to > destroy the earth Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. > "I don't have > to. The > government already has." > > > PS : I'm surprised we haven't blamed 'The Flood' on > Global Warming... > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Do You Yahoo!? > Spot the hottest trends in music, movies, and more. > http://buzz.yahoo.com/ >