Message-ID: <29457021.1075851762826.JavaMail.evans@thyme> Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2001 00:01:00 -0800 (PST) From: dawn.kenne@enron.com To: jbaer1@maine.rr.com, ajbarnard@houston.rr.com, pam.boxx@enron.com, rbwood@ix.netcom.com, rbythewood@txi.com, derek.campbell@paslode.com, pmdesmar@earthlink.net, linda.ewing@enron.com, maxnbev@wesnet.com, mafrit@cvtv.net, garywgarrett@email.msn.com, darron.giron@enron.com, kristi.giron@cfisd.net, heightshappy@aol.com, reed.jinnette@compaq.com, ikeeling@velaw.com, yona_edoda@yahoo.com, donkit@tnaccess.com, plmichaud@pdq.net, mtroyer@swbell.net, raylvincent@hotmail.com, tina.vincent@bcminc.com, michelle.waldhauser@enron.com, eric.wardle@enron.com, wlsnt@yahoo.com, twilson@officefurnishings.com, jason.wolfe@enron.com, e.zajicek@pentasafe.com, gary.wilson@oracle.com, phillip.love@enron.com, jennifer.bagwell@enron.com Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!! Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-From: Dawn C Kenne X-To: Jennifer Baer , "Amanda Barnard" , Pam B Boxx, Michelle Bythewood , "Bythewood, Richard" , "derek campbell" , PMDESMAR@earthlink.net, Linda J Ewing, maxnbev@wesnet.com (Max Fledderjohann), mafrit@cvtv.net (Marie Fritsche), "garynkay" , Darron C Giron, kristi.giron@cfisd.net, HeightsHappy@aol.com @ ENRON, "Jinnette, Reed" , "Keeling, Ingelisa" , "B. Kenne" @ ENRON, "don e kenne" @ ENRON, plmichaud , Mark Troyer , "Ray Vincent" @ ENRON, @ ENRON, Michelle C Waldhauser, Eric Wardle, Terry wilson @ ENRON, "Tracey Wilson" @ ENRON, Jason Wolfe, Ed Zajicek , gary.wilson@oracle.com, Phillip M Love, Jennifer Bagwell X-cc: X-bcc: X-Folder: \Jason_Wolfe_Nov2001\Notes Folders\Discussion threads X-Origin: WOLFE-J X-FileName: jwolfe.nsf ---------------------- Forwarded by Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT on 01/30/2001 08:03 AM --------------------------- From: Torrey Moorer on 01/30/2001 07:56 AM To: Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT@ECT, Peter Berzins/NA/Enron@Enron, Matt Motsinger/HOU/ECT@ECT, Simone La Rose/HOU/ECT@ECT, Adam Johnson/NA/Enron@Enron, Tara Sweitzer/HOU/ECT@ECT cc: Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!! ---------------------- Forwarded by Torrey Moorer/HOU/ECT on 01/30/2001 08:01 AM --------------------------- Jim & Tracey on 01/29/2001 05:40:50 PM To: Torrey.Moorer@enron.com, Malcolm Guidry , Kilraven19@aol.com, CMcgalin@aol.com, "BAKER, ERIN R" cc: Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!! ----- Original Message ----- From: Aleta Nash To: Carol Foster ; Doneane Beckcom ; Dana Overstreet ; Michelle Pitts Sent: Monday, January 29, 2001 4:54 PM Subject: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!! Foreigner's Travel Guide to Texas > > > Like it or not, the new Texas White House will be in Crawford, Texas and > soon will be drawing a number of people to the state, including many who > are not used to Texas ways. They might find the following advice useful. > > > 1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local > restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let > them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. > > > 2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley, Tammy > Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will HAVE to kick your ass. > > > 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a > coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or > whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass > kicking. > > > 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read some J. > Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer than > you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll kick your ass. > > > 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot, > Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small > lapses in judgment (e.g., Phil Gramm). However, we are not dumb enough to > let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate. If > anyone tried to do that they would get a serious ass kickin'. > > > 6a) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood > you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. > > > 6b) IF you visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or > we'll kick your ass. > > > 7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut > up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, or we'll > kick your ass. > > > 8a) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk > casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. > > > 8b) DO NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or > contains no kidney beans, this will get your ass kicked into next week. > > > 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know they > are not. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit, Chicago, > and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta > is ready when you are. Move your ass on home - before we kick it. > > > 10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we > don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we > are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's all > that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass. > > > 11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state "smell" of oil. If > your livelihood depended on those wells you'd soon learn to love the aroma. > Besides, None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you > whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to > Pittsburgh, PA. > > > 12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors > open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are expected > of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired > grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did ours. > > > 13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small > towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime > infested cesspools like Baltimore. Make fun of our small towns and we'll > kick your ass. > > > 14) DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass > shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go home > in a pine box -- minus your ass. > > > 15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first > place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande and > put them on the Red River (where they really belong) to keep your ass out. > > > 16) Enjoy your visit.